


let the wind go quietly

by dos_mierdas



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Dancing Lessons, Falling In Love, Gay Keith (Voltron), Happy Ending, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inappropriate Humor, Internal Conflict, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mental Institutions, Name-Calling, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Past Character Death, References to Depression, Sad Keith (Voltron), Sad Lance (Voltron), Silver Linings Playbook AU, everyones sad, im sorry but, mentioned - Freeform, pidge and hunk aren't mentioned, with changes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-07 14:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16855336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dos_mierdas/pseuds/dos_mierdas
Summary: The first time he meets Keith there’s a heavy cross nestled at the base of his neck and a shiny diamond on his ring finger and Lance asks him how his husband died.The second time he sees Keith, Lance almost trips and falls on his face as he gets chased down the street.The third time he sees Keith, it’s Lance who’s chasing him down the street.A Silver Linings Playbook AU (with small changes)Otherwise titled: Keith Wears A Lot Of Black And Lance Is Very Confused About EverythingTitle from “Hometown” by Twenty One Pilots





	1. Unconventional Divorcees

**Author's Note:**

> (I've tried sticking to the movie about their portrayal of Bipolar Disorder please don't attack me)
> 
> I wrote this mostly to get it out of my system. 
> 
> The Silver Linings Playbook movie is seriously amazing, so I recommend you go watch it first if you haven't! 
> 
> But if you have just a warning: I excluded the baseball part completely because even though I really really liked it I wanted the fic to focus more on Lance and Keith's relationship and not so much on Lance's family because I really really don't know how to write family dynamics (and I have literally no baseball knowledge whatsoever and I didn't want to make people who do cringe).
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

The first time he meets Keith there’s a heavy cross nestled at the base of his neck and a shiny diamond on his ring finger and Lance asks him how his husband died.

Adam looks stunned and the widow just blinks at him, frowning and looking down for a second before glaring back up at him. In his defense, Lance tried leaving his brother’s house before he could even get in it, before he’d fuck up another one of his sibling’s dinners in some way he could never understand and still always get yelled at for. Only now he had a feeling it would be worse with the whole sad shit he had going on. Lance didn’t want pity for whatever mess he knew he’d make, but he’d been working on staying positive and getting better so he could restore his marriage and finally see Nikki again, so he’d foolishly stepped into the trap.

It had all started out fairly good. Adam hugged Lance just as tightly as he used to, Lance gave Adam flowers, Adam smiled and apologized through a sad smile that his boyfriend wasn’t able to make it, muttering something about cops and missed dates as they laughed together, Lance looked at the house and tried to understand why a fireplace in the middle of the wall was a good idea if only so his brother would stop looking at him like he was an uncultured swine…

And then it began.

Just as Adam started explaining, the sound of the front door opening and closing stopped him in his tracks, made his eyes light up as he muttered a curse, quickly whipping out his phone and starting to frantically type away like a diva that had just heard the most juiciest, biggest gossip and he had to tell someone right that second otherwise he’d _die_.

“What’s wrong?” Lance chimed in, curiosity driving him to lean in too close too fast and almost knock Adams’s phone from his fumbling hands. “Is that my future brother in law?”

“No,” Adam said a little nervously, teasing tone gone completely. A message appeared on his screen and he mouthed a quiet curse, putting his phone back into his back pocket. “That’s Keith”

“Keith?”

“Yeah. He’s my boyfriend’s brother,” Adam shook his head, sliding his glasses up into his hair to hold back a few of the unkempt strands that kept getting in his face. The action made him look significantly younger. And stressed. Like a proper young adult about to become just an adult. “He’s really sweet once you get to know him but if he sees Takashi’s not here he’s going to be upset”

“Why would he be upset?”

“Because my boyfriend’s a cop and Keith’s husband was too-”

“Husband?” Lance frowned as he heard footsteps start to climb up the stairs. “Was?”

“He died,” Adam whispered hurriedly, looking at the doorway nervously.

“He died?”

“Cops die,” and Lance could see the sad look that flashed through his eyes, but he chose not to comment on it, attention still focused on this new stranger. This boyfriend's brother.

This Keith.

And his dead husband.

“How’d he die?”

“Lance, please don’t bring it up,” but he couldn’t leave it, even as he looked right at his brother’s pleading eyes, he couldn’t leave it alone. The curiosity would end up killing _him._

“No. How did he die?”

“How did _who_ die?”

Adam had always been good at avoiding things, and he used that ability as he went right back to smiling like nothing had happened. Keith walked right past his brother as he hurried to introduce them, getting into his space like that was a normal thing to do and looking him up and down with an unreadable expression before locking dark eyes with him. Lance’s breath hitched at the intensity of his gaze, feeling strangely exposed by it. It was almost as if Keith was… analyzing him, formulating an opinion of him before he’d even had the chance to open his mouth.

Lance panicked for a second. Did Keith know about Baltimore? Did he know about that good-for-nothing history teacher? About what he’d done to him?  To his marriage? But then he remembered. _Excelsior. Excelsior. Excelsior._ Lance was fine and he could find a silver lining, so he smiled and told Keith he looked nice in his black off-shoulder shirt (even if he thought it dipped too low on his chest) and explained how he wasn’t flirting but practicing for when he reunited with his wife. He never used to acknowledge her beauty, and she _was_ beautiful, so he wanted to do that now. But his thoughts about Nikki faded as he looked at Keith. Now that Lance was focusing on him, he realized the widow looked very beautiful too when he was smirking at him and-

“How’d your husband die?”  

So… that.

Keith’s smile died like a wilting flower and he didn’t answer, which made it a little easier for him to concentrate on the questions swirling around his mind.

“How’s your job?” Lance tried, but the heavy sigh from Keith and the cutting motion Adam was making over his neck suggested it wasn’t the right thing to say either because-

“I just got fired, actually”

“Really? How?” he frowned, shaking his head at his rudeness. “I mean I’m sorry. How’d that happen?”

“Does it really matter?” Keith rolled his eyes, turning to look back at Adam. “Where’s Takashi?”

“He got called in,” Adam smiled tightly as the widow’s hands clenched at his hips. “He says he’s sorry and told me not to let you leave before eating, so… dinner?”

They sat down for dinner.

“Lance was a Spanish teacher at the high school,” Adam commented in an attempt to break the ice as they ate.

“Yeah,” Lance cheerily continued, starting to take bites out of his steak but slowing down at the look Adam gave in. “It’s how I met Nikki, my wife. Nikki worked there teaching English Literature. I’m reading her syllabus now”

“Oh, yeah?” Keith didn’t even look up from his plate as he moved the food around with his fork, other hand clenched in a tight fist on the table as his thumb rubbed his fingers up and down and up and down and- “How’d _you_ get fired?”

“Actually, I-”

“Lance!” Adam widened his eyes at him and he snapped his mouth shut. Lance didn’t get it, why he couldn't tell what happened. He wasn’t ashamed of it, not at all. It pissed him off, it would be weird if it didn’t, but it wasn’t good to lie. His mama always used to tell him before she passed, and Nikki didn’t like it either so why should he? Well, Nikki also told him that it was better sometimes to ‘keep your mouth shut’ because some truths were ‘bad truths’ but he’d never been the best judge of telling when it was better to be honest or when he should stop talking, so he’d decided to be honest all the time so he didn’t have to feel like he was lying because Nikki didn’t like it when she thought he was lying even if he hadn’t been.

“Sorry, Adam. I just don’t like keeping my mouth shut,” Lance explained through a laugh as he ate. “I like saying what I think is the truth because Doctor Coran explained sometimes the things I think are delusions because of my previously undiagnosed bipolar disorder, so I like talking about me because you’ll tell me if I’m being delusional and that way I can stop so I can be better for Nikki. I’m also getting fit for her because she used to hate that I was fat so I’m doing exercise so she’ll see that I’m getting better”

“Oh…” Adam sighed before shaking his head and looking back up. “You know… Keith does a lot of exercise too. He’s been doing this dance thing for quite a while. He’s even competing at the Ben Franklin Hotel”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Lance turned to smile at Keith only to see he was staring right at him. No. _Glaring_. “My wife loves dancing too. Nikki loves it,” he tried again.

It didn’t work.

“Do you talk about anything that’s not related to your wife?”

“Keith!”

“No, it’s fine,” Lance kept smiling, even if Keith was starting to get on his nerves. “It’s either her or my time at Baltimore and that was no fun. I didn’t think you’d like hearing about it”

“Baltimore?” Keith really looks at him then, eyebrows raised and lips twitching as if trying to contain a smile. Did that mean he didn’t know? That made him happy but… why did it make him so happy to think Keith didn’t know? “What meds are you on?”

“None. I used to be on Lithium and Seroquel and Abilify but I stopped taking them because they made me foggy and bloated”

Keith smiled then, and Lance had to shake his head at the part of his brain telling him to compliment him again. He was married. To Nikki. Nikki was his wife and they loved each other. Their love was going to be epic and-

“You ever take Klonopin?”

“Yeah, it is  _hell_ ,” Lance laughed, loud and unadulterated like he hadn’t in a while.  

“Right?” Keith huffed as he unclenched his fists, finally taking a hold of the silver cutlery to start cutting the steak on his plate into small pieces.

“It gets you like, ‘What? What day is it?’ How about Trazodone?”

“Trazodone?” Keith smiled as he started to eat. Lance followed the small piece of red steak as he stabbed it with the fork and put it between his pink lips.

“Yeah…” Lance cleared his throat, laughing lightly under Keith’s intense attention. “It flattens you out. Like- it takes the light right out of your eyes”

“Bet it does,” Keith dragged his eyes down his body as he took a long sip from his wine, putting the glass down before standing up abruptly.  “I’m tired. I wanna go”

“But Takashi said-”

“I already ate, see?” Keith gestured at his barely eaten steak. “And I’m not hungry,” he turned back to raise an eyebrow at Lance then. “Are you walking me home?”

“You have very poor social skills,” Lance shook his head, disappointed that Keith was ruining their easy conversation, even if all the pill talk had made Adam look a little uncomfortable. “You have a problem”

“You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things,” Keith shot back immediately. “You scare people”

“Keith!” Adam reprimanded, but the widow didn’t even look at him, he just kept glaring at Lance.

“ _I_ scare people?” Lance stood and gestured to his black clothing. “You dress like the grim reaper! And you’re mean!”

“Lance!” Adam stood too, raising his hands in a placating manner in an attempt to diffuse the situation.

“I’m _grieving_ ,” Keith spat out.

A silence settled over the three of them then. Heavy and dark like the cross on Keith’s neck and his black hair and his beautiful eyes and-

“I’m going,” Keith started walking away. “Sorry, I don’t want to be mean. Food was great, Adam. Tell Takashi to wake me when he gets home”

“Keith, come on. Just sit down. We can talk and-”

“You coming or what?” Keith called to Lance as he pulled on his leather jacket, completely ignoring his brother’s attempts to fix their mess. For some reason, Lance followed him as if stuck in a trance. It may have had to do with the light feeling in Lance’s chest at not being the only one that had ruined the night, to not be the only one that was getting reprimanded. But it also could’ve been to escape what would surely become his brother’s sadness. Maybe even to get closer to Keith’s own.

“Lance!” Adam tried to stop him. “What the hell?”

“Sorry for the yelling,” he hugged Adam quickly. “I’ll walk him home”

They walked in silence.

Lance ignored how good Keith looked in his tight jacket and looked up at the blurry stars. It was also so he didn’t have to watch the way the widow’s hips swung when he walked or the way he kept glancing back at him through thick lashes and lidded eyes. And when Keith’s little annoyed huffs of breath proved to be too distracting he started reciting Nikki’s syllabus in his head. They walked like that until Keith stopped them in front of a big house, turning so they were facing each other and getting into his space again, making the titles fade from his mind too quickly for his taste.

“I haven’t dated for a while so I don’t remember how this works,” Keith said in a flat voice.

“Dated?” Lance frowned. “What are you talking about? How what works?”

Keith blinked up at him, eyelashes long against his pale skin in the soft yellow streetlight. Lance’s breath hitched when he brought a hand up and rested it on his chest, palm settled right over where his heart was beating fast under his slender fingers, under his wedding ring…

“I saw the way you were looking at me, how you  _are_ looking at me,” the widow started in a soft, low voice. “We both felt it, just like I can feel you right now, so don’t lie. We’re not liars. I live in the addition around back which is completely separate from my brother’s house and he won’t be home for at least a few more hours so he won’t walk in on us. I hate that you’re so loud but you can fuck me if you keep your mouth shut, okay?”

Lance didn’t know what to say.

Nikki’s name was what eventually brought him out of it. It came into his mind when he thought about what she would think of him for what he wanted to answer.

Lance blinked down at him and for the first time realized how young Keith looked.

What the hell was wrong with him?

“How old are you?”

Keith smiled.

Lance was beginning to dread that smile.

“Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital”

“I think you’re really pretty,” Lance assured him, trying to assure himself too. “But I’m married,” he reminded the widow, holding up his hand to show him the golden wedding band, hanging a little loose on his finger because of the lost weight.

“So am I,” Keith smiled sadly, holding up his own left hand.

“No, that’s confusing,” Lance frowned. “He’s dead”

Keith looked like Lance had punched him in the stomach, face suddenly falling in a frustrated frown as he stumbled forward into his arms.

“What’s happening?” Lance panicked, holding his hands away from Keith’s body as it pressed against him, trying to get him off until he heard the widow sniffle. “Oh, no. Hey…” he hugged Keith back as he cried silently for a while and suddenly he found himself looking into his dark eyes once more. Lance brushed one falling tear away, breathless as Keith’s wine tinted lips came closer and closer until-

Keith pushed him away and slapped him. Hard.

But before he could react Keith had already walked away, door slamming shut behind him, leaving Lance standing still on the sidewalk as he tried to remember how Nikki’s lips looked like, unmoving in the middle of the street as he realized…

He couldn’t.

 


	2. My Cherie Putain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the changes from the movie start, if you were curious as to what they would be...

The second time he sees Keith, Lance almost trips and falls on his face as he gets chased down the street.

“What the hell?” he yells back as Keith runs after him.

“What happened to your face?” the widow demands, and even if he sounds angry as always, his voice also sounds strangely amused.

Oh. _That_.

_That_ wasn’t his fault. It was all _Keith’s_ fault for making him forget what Nikki’s lips looked like and Veronica asking why his shirt was wet and why he was home so late and why did she keep so many tapes but not his tape, _their_ tape, Lance and Nikki’s wedding video where they danced and kissed and there was a close-up of Nikki’s face? They wouldn’t give him a phone but he needed to see her, needed to forget her- _Keith_. Lance needed to forget the widowed whore because that damned song had begun playing in his mind, over and over and over and that’s how it happened.

Veronica punched him.

Officer Shirogane walked into their house and wrote him up.

Nikki would see he’d had an outburst.

Nikki wouldn’t want him back.

It was all Keith’s fault.

“Weight-lifting accident,” Lance calls back, speeding up and thinking of Nikki’s laugh instead as Keith laughs at him.

“That’s definitely bullshit!” the widow accuses, making the old couple walking on the pavement next to them glare as they run past. “Why’d you run by my house? Changed your mind?”

“I’m married!” he turns his head to yell back, whipping it back on track immediately when he sees Keith’s tiny ponytail swinging side to side up high on his head and how hot he looks panting and red-cheeked and-

Fuck.

“Just back off,” he tries again. “Run somewhere else!”

“This is my neighborhood!”

And it is. It really is but Lance is an idiot.

“Come on, please!” he begs desperately, not wanting to hear that damned song again, trying with all his might to keep it at bay. To keep Keith at bay. “What are you even doing? Your husband’s dead!”

“Where’s your wife?” Lance tells him that he’s crazy, but when Keith sighs and yells back that he’s not the one that just got out of a mental hospital he can’t help but reply.

“I’m not the big slut!” and Lance knows he’s fucked up when Keith stops, leaning over and panting into the pavement, sweat running down his temples. Lance automatically stops too, trying to apologize, knowing he’d gone too far. When he’d told Veronica of Keith the morning after the incident with the police, she’d gasped and asked if Lance had fucked him too. _Too?_ Lance had questioned her. _You wouldn’t know,_ she’d sighed back, shaking her head like a disappointed mother, _but that’s the reputation he’s built around town._

_A widowed slut,_ Lance had thought. _What’s sadder than that?_

Keith stood up to push him away as he neared him, almost making Lance lose his footing for the second time in under an hour.

“I _was_ a big slut, but I’m not anymore” he confesses, still glaring at him with the ferocity that could rival that of a raging fire. “A part of me is always going to be sloppy and dirty but I like that, with all the other parts of my fucked up self. Can you say the same about yourself, asshole?”

Keith looked absolutely furious, not waiting for a response before spitting at Lance’s feet and turning to walk away. When he and Nikki used to fight, Lance always felt like she was the one not making any sense, always insulting him about irrelevant things and starting to cry when he shouted his own insults right back at her.

But the widow was different.

Keith had called himself a slut and yelled back and called him an asshole and spit down at him and it _hurt_ watching him walk away and Lance _deserved_ it.

So the next day he runs the same route again. And Keith goes after him again, voice apologetic and frustrated as he says he just wants them to be friends. And Lance doesn’t answer, _can’t_ answer because it breaks his heart to heart him say that. Even if Keith was a slut, what did it matter? It was probably his way of coping, and it had everyone talking shit about him and pushing him away like he was some disease and his husband had just _died_. Lance had pushed him away too… and Keith had just wanted them to be friends. In a very weird, messed-up way but still.

Keith just wanted a friend.

“Are you even listening to me?” the widow called as he stopped in front of a diner.

This would do.

“Have dinner with me at this diner?” Lance asked through his heavy panting, smiling the biggest smile he could at Keith who stood shock still in front of him.

“Pick me up at seven thirty,” and then he turned and ran back the way they’d come from without looking back.

Lance’s heart was beating fast but he ignored it, telling himself it was because of the exercise and not because of how pretty Keith had looked when surprised.

 

* * *

 

 “Why the fuck did you order Raisin Bran?”

“Why did you order tea?”

“Because your ordered Raisin Bran,” Keith mocked as he dipped his own spoon in the cereal, cross shifting on his neck as he leaned over the table and back down onto his seat, hair bouncing with the motion.

Nikki’s hair didn’t bounce like that when she moved.

“This isn’t a date,” Lance hurried to say, to assure Keith (and himself) of the fact. “It’s why I ordered cereal”

“It can still be a date if you order Raisin Bran,” the widow pointed out, gesturing with his spoon.

“It’s not,” Lance insisted but Keith just huffed, annoyed.

This dinner was an _apology_. Lance was supposed to be making the widow happy so they could be friends. If Keith was frowning then he wasn’t having fun so Lance turned the conversation to him, trying to cheer him up.

“How’s your dancing thing?”

“It’s good,” Keith sipped at his tea, looking up at him through his bangs and smirking into the ceramic. “How’s your restraining order,” he wondered in what he assumed was supposed to be an innocent tone but just sounded provocative as shit.

“The restraining order is _not_ my thing,” Lance complained, voice rising a little with annoyance. But he forced himself to stay calm, sighing into his next bite if only to breathe a little. “Getting back with Nikki is but…” that just made him think of his outburst at Doctor Coran’s office which made him think of the song and Nikki and-

“Ah...” Keith tilted his head curiously. “Is this about the so-called incident with the weights?”

“It was a thing with my sister Veronica-” he started but stopped when he realized Keith knew his brother who knew Adam who knew Nikki. And if Nikki found out he was having issues it wouldn’t be good, not at all so he continued in an attempt to fix it. “But it wasn’t a big deal! I wish I could just explain it in a letter to Nikki because it was very minor and I want to let her know that I’m very in control and I’m doing really well”

Keith blinked at him before looking down, fidgeting with something under the table.

“I can get a letter to Nikki,” he said slowly, seemingly not realizing Lance almost dropped his spoonful of cereal as he did as well as his jaw because _what the fuck was happening?_ “I see her sometimes with Takashi and Adam”

“It would be...so amazing if you did,” Lance laughed breathlessly. “Can you really?”

“Sure,” Keith shrugged. “I’d have to be careful though. I’m already on thin fucking ice with my family because of how I lost my job”  


“How did you lose your job?”

Keith told him. And God did Lance wish he hadn’t asked. _Of course_ his reputation would be that, the widow had slept with everybody in the office, men and women alike. The worst part was _how_ Keith told him, slumped on his seat and deadpan like he was reading that morning’s newspaper. His usually intense black eyes were empty, hand mindlessly stirring his tea as his other hand clenched on the table. Lance noticed his thumb doing the same motion from their last dinner together. And Lance had seen that empty gaze before, back at Baltimore. Veronica had talked about Keith like he was some troublemaker, a widow that liked sleeping around. But he wasn’t like that, he was just… depressed.

Couldn’t anyone see that?   

“You have a reputation,” Lance piped up.

“I don’t mind it,” Keith shrugged. “But this one guy thought he was special, so when he found out I’d slept with the whole floor he started getting into fights, then had the balls to tell our boss about my ‘sexual misconduct’. And then _he_ tried to pin it all on _me_ . So _I_ accused _him_ of harassment. Fired”

“I get it,” Lance took over. “The song that was playing when my wife… was in the shower with the history teacher-”

“I heard about that”

“...it was my wedding song,” Keith winced and Lance laughed dryly. “Yeah. When I hear it I go kind of crazy. I sometimes hear it even when it’s not playing, so they put me on medication. I feel ashamed of it”

And he was. Lance was ashamed of his… condition. How could he not? He was brash and loud and he got angry easily. Keith was right, Lance _scared_ people. Even if Doctor Coran had told him there were the silver linings he was so obsessed with even in his situation, he _couldn't_ like it. Even if Lance wasn’t ashamed of almost killing someone he couldn’t accept himself, not like Keith did. But he was getting better. He was getting better for Nikki. Nikki was all that mattered and he couldn’t keep getting distracted with Keith.

“I’m gonna go home and write the letter right now,” he hurried as he started sliding out of the booth.

“Can I at least finish my tea?” Keith gasped in disbelief as Lance stopped, sliding back into the booth and frowning when he realized.

“Wait,” he shook his head at Keith, watching as the widow bit his smiling lips and nodded for him to continue. “If you give it to Nikki, then she’ll know we had dinner”

“So?”

“So I don’t want to be associated with you”

Could Lance go _one_ day without fucking up?

Apparently not.

“What the fuck,” Keith laughed, mouth dropping open. “Why?”

“Because,” and Lance couldn’t even stop, not even at the hurt look Keith was giving him because- “I’m not like you. Nikki wouldn’t like it if she thought I was like you,” which was the important part. _Nikki_ was the important thing, _not_ Keith or his story. Lance was just meeting Keith so he could get to Nikki…

Right?

“You think I’m crazier than you?” Keith asked in a small voice.

“We’re different,” he tried explaining but Keith took over, starting to raise his voice.

“Forget I offered to help. Deal’s off”

“What?

No, no, _no_ . This wasn’t supposed to happen. Keith was supposed to take it like he took everything, nonchalant and cool and not _this_.

“Because that must’ve been _crazy_ because I am so much _crazier_ than you, right?”

“No. You can’t do that,” but Keith was already standing up, yelling as he did.

“I’m just the crazy slut with the dead husband!”

“Keith, no-” but he’d already swept all of the table’s contents to the floor and was storming off, not even bothering to take his jacket with him.

“Fuck you,” Keith screamed, the diners applauding and cheering as he walked out, door swinging shut behind him. Lance was frozen, but he jumped into action when he heard a bang on the glass beside him and saw Keith’s middle fingers proudly displayed, hurrying to pay and go after him.

“Keith!” Lance called as he ran after him, jacket swinging wildly beside him. Even if Keith was shorter than him he was walking fast. But to his surprise, Keith stopped and turned when Lance reached him if only to yell at him to leave him alone.

“You forgot your jacket,” Lance offered it to him, and Keith eyed it warily before snatching it out of his hands, holding it to his stomach defensively. “Can I explain? Please?” Lance raised his hands like Adam had done, sighing in relief when Keith stood his ground, even if he was slightly afraid to get punched by his clenched fists. “I just don’t want Nikki to think I’ve slept with you, okay? I don’t want her to associate that kind of sexual behavior with me because I’ve never done anything like that”

“You don’t fucking get it,” Keith stressed, dropping his jacket to hold onto Lance’s shirt and shake him violently, eyes shining with angry tears and jaw clenched, lips spreading around a snarl. “I opened up to you and you judged me. You are an asshole”

“I’m sorr-” but when he tried to get Keith’s nails off his skin he started _screaming_.

If Lance thought that he’d fucked up before, he’d been dead wrong.

As Keith started struggling against him, saying that Lance was harassing him, people started to take notice. The widow pulled away from his hold, pointing and yelling as dressed up teenagers started surrounding him. Lance tried to explain but they kept shoving and taunting him, pushing him around. There were so many voices around him he started to panic, heart beating faster as the song started playing on the back of his mind. He tried to get them off him but they wouldn’t listen and suddenly a police siren was blaring in his ears, lights blurring the faces around him until officer Shirogane’s face took over, pulling him aside. His mouth was moving but he couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying because that damned song was still playing and-

“-didn’t do anything. It was all the kids,” Keith’s voice pushed through the fog as he came up behind the officer’s face.

“Keith?” the officer turned, caught as off-guard as Lance was when he saw the recognition on the widow’s face as he hurried back close to him, making a shooing motion with his hands at his appointed officer.

_-la la laaa la la laaa_

“Give me a minute,” he dismissed Shiro, and then Keith was holding onto his neck with one of his hands, ring cold on his skin, shaking him a little. “It’s just a song, Lance. Don’t make it a monster”

_… lovely as a summer day…_

“It won’t stop playing,” he gasped out as he blinked hard, focusing on Keith’s chest as it rose up and down in slow breaths.

_… my cherie amour…_

“Just breathe,” Keith insisted. “Count backward from ten, come on”

10… 9… 8…

_… distant as the milky way…_

7… 6… 5…

_… little one that I adore…_

4… 3…

“Gone?” Keith’s frown had twisted into a worried grimace. Lance noticed the officer’s wary gaze over the widow’s shoulder and shook the hand off his neck. “I’m-“

“What did you do?” the officer turned Keith with a hold on his arm but he quickly shook it off so he could turn to look back at Lance. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Lance muttered, nerves turning quickly into a curious confusion. “How do you know Keith?” but the officer didn’t get the chance to answer as Keith continued.

“You didn’t tell me you were on Lance’s case,” Keith stressed to his-

“Adam’s my brother,” Lance blurted out. “Adam has a cop boyfriend”

“Yeah”

“I met cop boyfriend’s brother”

“That’s me,” Keith deadpanned. “This is just great,” and then he turned back to Shiro. “You knew”

“Yes”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m not supposed to share details from-“ but Keith had already rolled his eyes and turned to walk away.

Lance was left standing in silence with Shiro, looking for something to say.

“I’m married,” Lance hurried to say, raising his hand to show Shiro his ring but the officer just huffed a small laugh and shook his head.

“Keith is married too”

“But he’s dead,” Lance frowned.

“Just go after him, Lance”

So he did.

Lance apologized again, and Keith didn’t turn his head as he said sorry too. But he did when they stopped outside his brother’s- _Officer_ _Shiro’s_ house, hands fidgeting a little as he assured Lance he’d get his letter to Nikki.

Lance tried to ignore how sad the widow looked as he apologized, forcing a smile onto his face at the prospect of writing to Nikki and telling her how much better he was.

Nikki…

 


	3. Venus In Black

The third time he sees Keith, it’s  _ Lance _ who’s chasing  _ him _ down the street.

 

“I can’t do it!” the widow yells back as he demands to know what happened and what he was doing and why wasn’t he outside when he went to give him the letter to Nikki that he said he would give to her the day before and  _ what the hell was going on _ .

 

Lance could explain.

 

First Keith hadn’t answered the door when he’d gone to his… extension. So Lance had stupidly thought to knock on the main house’s door, almost bouncing on his feet in happiness because he was finally going to be able to explain things to Nikki and maybe he would even get a letter back! And it would almost be like they were  _ talking _ again, even if it took days to get an answer. But all of that excitement faded when the door opened, revealing Shiro standing behind it. 

 

Officer Shiro. 

 

Lance’s appointed officer. 

 

Who was Keith’s brother. 

 

Who lived with Keith.

 

Lance truly was an idiot.

 

But there hadn’t been much time to feel like the idiot he was, because before Shiro could even ask what the hell he was doing there, a man was standing beside him and Shiro was giving him the most awful glare he’d seen anyone shoot someone in his entire life.  _ Hello, I’m Jordie, I used to work with Keith? _ And oh…  _ that’s _ why Shiro looked ready to pull his gun out and commit a crime of passion on his own doorstep without even blinking. This was probably one of the guys Keith had slept with before getting fired, one of the guys that had taken advantage of him. One of the guys Keith had slept with and didn’t get the memo about  _ basic human decency. _

 

So Lance told him he was being rude in the best way he could without joining Shiro’s rage and explained how Keith wasn’t doing that anymore, that he was healing and he couldn’t get in the way of that. And when the creep still insisted, Lance took a hold of his arm and pushed and pulled until the man was back in his car and driving away, even as he protested, yelling that he had just been texting Keith. So, yeah. Lance turned tail and begun running sadly back to his house, frustrated because Keith had told him he’d get the letter to Nikki if he wrote it and then decided to disappear into  _ thin fucking air. _

 

And suddenly, as if summoned by Lance thinking about him, Keith ran past him. 

 

So, yeah. Lance chased him. 

 

“What do you mean you can’t do it?” he pants as the widow finally stops and turns. Lance frowned when he noticed Keith wasn’t wearing his usual running clothes, not even wearing shoes actually. But that wasn’t the most pressing matter at the moment and so he decided to let it go. “You can’t do what?”

 

“The letter,” Keith says breathlessly, shaking his head and-

 

“What do you mean you can’t give the letter to Nikki?” Lance starts to get desperate. “You said! You said if I wrote a letter you’d get it to Nikki. That’s what we agreed on”

 

“I know, it’s just-” Keith blinked up at him, eyes shifting nervously as he continued. “I always do this”

 

“You always promise to give letters and then don’t do it?”

 

“No! What the hell-” Keith breathes deeply, setting his hands on his hips like his mama would do when she was mad or thinking. But Keith just looked… distressed. “I always get myself into these fucking situations. I give and I give and I  _ never _ get anything in return. I give everything to other people and they never- ” he chokes a little then, and Lance is afraid he’ll start crying for a second but then he goes back to being angry. “I never get what I want”

 

“Okay. Ask for you then,” Lance shrugs. “What can I do for you?”

 

But Keith just looks even  _ more _ uncomfortable. As if the prospect of asking anything for himself is unbearable. 

 

Whoever hurt this guy… Lance was going to find and  _ kill _ them.

 

“I can’t do it,” the widow repeats like a broken, scratched record that’s about to either cry or run away or punch him.

 

“Think of something,” Lance assures. “Just tell me what you want me to do”

 

What feels like an hour of silence but was probably only a few seconds pass before Keith’s eyes shift to meet his again, hands dropping from his hips to clench and do that thumb thing again, back and forth and back and forth until-

 

“There’s this thing,” he starts.

 

“What kind of thing?” 

 

“A dance thing”

 

“Okay,” Lance could work with this. 

 

“It’s a competition thing at the Benjamin Franklin Hotel,” he rushes out like it had cost him years of life to do it, shoulders slumping a little. “Tommy would never do it with me and I’ve always wanted to go but missed it. And now I’m about to miss it for another year-”

 

“Well, Tommy’s dead, so he’s not gonna fucking do it” Lance felt the need to say, but he regretted it at the indignant expression Keith made.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” the widow yelled.

 

“I don’t have a filter!” Lance protested but Keith shifted on his place angrily.

 

“Can we have one conversation without you reminding me that my fucking husband is dead? Holy  _ shit _ ”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Lance looked down, a little ashamed to have upset Keith  _ again _ . “What about the competition?”

 

“I can only do it if I have a partner”

 

Lance pictured them dancing, a crowd of applauding people around them, cheering him on as he dipped Keith and pulled him back up-

 

And then it clicked.

 

“I’m not gonna fucking dance with you. What are you talking about?”

 

“Then I’m not giving her your fucking letter,” Keith looked satisfied, suddenly smiling as he turned to walk back to his house like he hadn’t just subtly  _ threatened _ him. 

 

“But you-”   
  


“Think about it!” Keith called over his shoulder.

 

“I already did do something for you!” Lance remembers, voice getting angry and loud, wanting Keith to feel what he was feeling. When the widow finally turned to watch him again, he continued. “I took care of that jerkoff that was in front of your house”

 

“Jerkoff, you say,” Keith rolls his eyes. “That _ jerkoff’s _ only ever called me a slut when I’ve asked him to. That  _ jerkoff’s _ not the one who has so charmingly reminded me that I’m widowed on  _ every single _ encounter we’ve had. And that  _ jerkoff’s _ not the one who wants to use me like a broken phone to talk to his estranged wife while offering nothing in return”

 

Why the hell did that hurt so much? To get called something worse than a jerkoff, to hear that Keith had slept with that creep he threw out from his house, to suggest Lance was using him when Keith had done the same to all of his hook-ups, like he hadn’t put himself in a silver platter for them when he was most vulnerable. 

 

And now he stood in front of Lance asking… 

 

“What does that make you?”

 

And Lance really didn’t know what to say. So he talked about what he did know.

 

“I’m desperate,” he confesses to Keith. “Nikki and I, we have a very unconventional chemistry that makes people feel awkward, but not me. She’s the most beautiful and wonderful woman I’ve ever seen,” and he didn’t miss Keith’s annoyed huff but he pushed through. “Yeah, we want to change each other, but couples do that”

 

“What do you want to change about each other?” and now the widow looked more intrigued than anything, as if he had a piece of the puzzle that was Lance that he couldn’t quite figure out, trying to fit the tiny jigsaw according to the image in his mind but not being able to. Keith wanted to-

 

Oh.

 

_ Oh. _

 

Ever since he’d come out of Baltimore, everyone had been acting as if nothing had happened, as if time had stopped still when he went away and kept on ticking as soon as he got back. It was as if Nikki had vanished into thin air, and whenever he’d mention her people would get uncomfortable or give him dismissive looks. They all either ignored his problem or got frustrated with it, yelling at him to stop or not saying anything at all, letting the silence speak for itself. Lance hadn’t decided yet if he preferred being in the spotlight or ignored, not until he’d met Keith. 

 

Keith, the whore widow…he was the only one who wanted to understand him.

 

Keith was  _ listening _ to him.

 

Lance didn’t know if he should be excited or terrified. 

 

So he kept talking.

 

“I want her to stop dressing like she dresses and I want her to stop acting so superior to me all the time,” Lance fidgeted at Keith’s unwavering attention. “And…she wanted the best for me”

 

“And what’s that?” Keith immediately questioned.

 

“Nikki wanted me to lose weight and stop my mood swings, both of which I’ve now done. We would fight, we wouldn’t talk for a couple of weeks but that’s normal. She wanted me to be quieter and stiller, she said that I made her nervous. And she wanted me to be passionate and compassionate, which are good things, right? I still love her and she still loves me”

 

“She loves you…” Keith said quietly, like if he said it any louder he wouldn’t be able to take it. But it sounded more like a question. 

 

The only problem was that he couldn’t figure out if Keith was asking it to Lance or to himself.

 

“Our love’s going to be amazing,” but there was no strength in his voice, claim sounding weak even to his own ears. 

 

Why did Keith have to look so sad all the time?

 

“It’s gonna be  _ amazing _ , and  _ you’re _ gonna be amazing, and  _ she’s _ gonna be amazing-“ Keith was getting angry again, tone mocking as he pulled at the lapels of his jacket like he wanted to rip it off his body. “And you’re not gonna be that guy that’s gonna take advantage of a situation without offering to do something back. So think about the dance thing”

 

Lance watched as he turned to go back to his house and laughed. 

 

Even if it was literally the fifth time he walked away from Lance, Keith was the only person determined on not giving up on him.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Keith shows him the dance studio.

 

“I used the insurance money to build this, designed it myself. All the floors are hard oak. It has good bounce for dancers. I’m shit at it, but who cares? It’s free therapy and the walls are good too. I can play music really loud without anyone hearing”

 

“And where do you sleep?” 

 

“Upstairs”

 

Lance wants to ask if it felt weird getting fucked in the bed Keith paid for with his dead husband’s insurance money. But after remembering what Keith told him the day before, he decides against it and focuses on Nikki, interrupting something the widow was saying about garages and ballet bars.

 

“When are you going to give her the letter?” he asks, holding up the envelope and smiling a little at Keith’s startled expression, how his eyes follow the paper’s movement as he flicks it back and forth in emphasis. 

 

“Maybe tonight,” Keith says quietly, looking down and nodding to himself. “I think Takashi and Adam and I are seeing her tonight”

 

“I wrote about Shakespeare and how he’s very romantic,” but Keith just blinks at him, biting on his lips and tapping his feet, concentrating on something. And he’s angry. As per usual. “It was on Nikki’s list so I thought she’d like it. I also said that maybe in the future if she wanted to go dancing I can do that now because of all the training and maybe you could even teach us both-” Keith nods as he plucks the letter from his hand and sets it over on the staircase, “and I also mentioned how generous it is, what I’m doing for you-”

 

“What I so kindly threatened you into doing,” Keith smirks and walks over to a corner, stopping his train of thought as he reaches to tie his hair up. Lance gulps nervously at how hot he finds the stupidly innocent movement, how Keith’s exposed arms flex with the motion, and his mind can’t help but wander. What would his skin look like covered in a thin sheen of sweat? Shining and glowing in the soft light filtering in through the small windows surrounding the studio. Starts wondering what ‘upstairs’ looks like, if sound would travel down the stairs and echo around the walls and the oak floor. How it would sound like when Keith moaned and-

 

“Can we do something else besides the dance deal?” he panics. He thought he could do this but now… “I’m good with a hammer. You want me to hammer you- I mean  _ fix _ you something?”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

 

And Lance isn’t. Lance _really_ isn’t because he can’t control his endless stream of inappropriate thoughts whenever he’s around Keith and his big eyes and his dark hair and his long legs and _he’s_ _married_ _for Christ’s sake_. 

 

“A deal is a deal,” Keith’s says and it’s  _ final _ . 

 

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Lance takes a deep breath. He can control himself. 

 

And then the widow tells Lance to walk towards him like he’s Nikki and  _ what the fuck Keith. _

 

“Like the only way to convey how much you’ve missed me is by your walk. Your slow walk. You can’t talk”

 

“No,” he protests immediately. “That’s stupid. I’m not doing that”

 

“No walk, no letter,” Keith shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Walk to me like I’m Nikki, come on. Do it. I’m Nikki. Just look down, it’s not that hard,” but it really is because all of this started because of Nikki and Keith was… But what can Lance even do? If this dance thing goes on Lance will get close to Keith before he gets to Nikki and if he walks away he’ll never get the chance to see Nikki again and Keith would probably hate him too. 

 

Lance walks.

 

What else can he do?

 

And as he walks he looks down like Keith said and it’s too  _ real _ . For a second as he walks Nikki’s on the other side, red hair and red eyes and red lips. But then his focus on her image changes into Keith, shifts as he gets closer and sees red too. Lance had always thought of Nikki as red but he was wrong. She was intense and angry but it was always displaced, always felt too far away as Lance tried reaching towards her, never getting close enough to feel it. But as he gets near Keith there’s warmth on his skin and around him and he can’t see the fire but he can smell it. 

 

Nikki was red hair and red shoes but she was blue, she felt like a blur.

 

The widow was black clothes and black eyes but burned  _ red _ , burned  _ true _ .

 

“Do you feel that?” and Lance did. He didn’t want to but he absolutely did. As he felt Keith’s soft breathing on his face he felt it. Like he didn’t remember feeling anything before. “That’s emotion”

 

Keith didn’t even give him the chance to deny it.

 

“Has anybody ever told you how Tommy died?”

 

Lance was always a chatterbox. When he asked why his mama used to tease him saying he just liked the sound of his own voice, but he stopped believing her after he met Nikki. Nikki always told him he talked too much, that he was too much to handle sometimes. But he kept talking like he always did because she always did things he didn’t like too. And then they’d fight and he’d yell and she’d cry because a lot of the things he thought were real weren’t true even if he didn’t know that at the time. When he found out about the delusions he didn’t talk for a month. And then he figured if he did talk, people would be able to tell him if he was being delusional again. So he started talking in fear of lying.

 

But now, as he stood in front of Keith, Lance stayed quiet again, not trusting himself to say anything in fear of telling the truth.

 

“We were married for three years and five days and I loved him. But for the last couple months, I just wasn't into sex at all. It just felt like we were so different and I was depressed. Some of that was just me-  _ is _ me. Some of it was he wanted us to have kids and I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. Anyway one night after dinner, he drove to Victoria's Secret and got some lingerie because we both liked lingerie and he wanted to get something going, you know? But on the way back, he stopped on 76 to help a guy with a flat tire and he got hit by a car and killed. And the Victoria's Secret box was still in the front seat”

 

What was Lance even supposed to say?

 

“ _ That's _ a feeling,” and even when Keith’s eyes were glassy he held his gaze proudly as if daring him to say otherwise.

 

But all Lance wanted to say was that he looked beautiful. 

 

That he looked beautiful when he laughed and when he yelled and when he said nothing at all.

 

That he would’ve looked beautiful in soft lingerie lying happily under his husband. 

 

That he looked beautiful sad and frustrated as he cried before Lance. 

 

But before he could open his mouth, the widow turned to press play on his iPod and started instructing him like nothing had happened.

 

So Lance didn’t say anything at all.

  
  
  



	4. Two Heartbreaks

Lance starts seeing Keith twice a week to dance.

 

The widow makes him do all sorts of things. They sit and listen to music, learn how to do the waltz step, spin like drunks all over the room and it’s… hard. It’s really, very,  _ extremely _ hard dancing with Keith. And it has nothing to do with how bad Lance starts out. By the end of the second week, even if Keith was a better dancer than he was, their abilities weren’t that far apart and they started to make actual progress. The problems started when they began to learn the actual routine. 

 

The actual  _ pairs _ routine. 

 

The actual pairs routine that he has to dance with  _ Keith _ , who has the most innocent and heart-wrenching habits Lance has ever had the misfortune of watching at close range in his entire life. 

 

Keith who will bite his lip nervously when he’s watching him do a step, leaving his mouth pink and shiny for the rest of the evening… 

 

Keith who will always tie his hair up when Lance arrives, making the tiny, tight and sleeveless shirts he wears ride up all the way up his chest… 

 

Keith who will bounce in place when he gets an idea and laugh and smile when Lance finally gets a move right, tossing his bangs out of the way to look at him with those big eyes… 

 

But the worst part is definitely when they start practicing the slow parts of the routine, music so sensual and romantic all Lance can think about is Keith Keith and sex and Keith and sex sex sex. 

 

When the widow’s hands rest so delicately yet so strongly on his shoulder and on his neck, skin contrasting so starkly and so perfectly, back so warm as it presses close to his chest, as Lance guides him around the room and spins him like a record over and over and Keith never gets dizzy, and when Lance dips him his back will arch over his hand so elegantly… waist thin and eyes lidded and shiny and dark hair as Lance pulls him back up and all he can think about is kiss kiss kiss.

 

Lance is married. 

 

“Lord of the Flies stays the fuck out of this place,” Keith glares as he wrenches the book from his hand. Lance had taken it in hopes that having it there with him, having a part of  _ Nikki _ there, would give him a little peace of mind.

 

And yet. 

 

“I’m behind on my syllabus,” Lance tries to protest, but he’s already opened the door and thrown the book out like a disease-ridden frisbee.

 

“I don’t give a fuck,” Keith huffs as he closes the door again. “You’re not reading that shit on  _ my _ time”

 

“Why would you throw it outside?” was Keith trying to kill him?

 

“Look, I can tell you all about Lord of the Flies,” Keith starts, gesturing wildly, exasperated and frustrated with him.  _ At _ him. “It’s a bunch of boys on an island and they have a  _ conch _ , this stupid shell. And whoever has the conch has the  _ power _ and they can  _ talk _ . And if you  _ don’t _ have the thing, then you  _ don’t _ have the power. And then there’s a little chubby boy, and they call him Piggy and they’re really mean, and then there’s a murder. I mean, humanity’s nasty and there’s no silver lining”

 

“That’s a great synopsis”

 

“Thank you,” Keith rolls his eyes.

 

“I still need to read it, though”

 

Keith groans so hard Lance stops talking.

 

* * *

 

The next time they meet Lance is nervous because he’s made Keith angry. 

 

Again.

 

“Tomorrow can I spend half the day with you and half the day with my sister?” 

 

“I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t just ask me that”

 

“But Veronica-”

 

“These are the two days that you have  _ promised _ me,” Keith starts, voice getting higher. “We haven’t nailed the big move. It’s not ready yet. We don’t  _ have _ a move yet. Get it?”

 

“I know,” Lance tries to calm him down but Keith is sizzling like an exposed wire. “But my sister, she opened up to me and it was very beautiful. And we’re gonna spend the day together with Adam for the first time since I’ve been out and I want to make her happy okay? She wants me to meet her boyfriend and she’s concerned about me spending time with you”

 

“Why is she concerned?” Lance raises his eyebrows in reply, knowing if he opens his mouth he’ll fuck up. Keith nods, understanding. “Okay. Crazy slut. Got it”

 

“You’re not-” but Keith is already turning away, lifting an envelope from the staircase and-

 

“Nikki replied to your letter,” Lance freezes. And he doesn’t even have the chance to reach for it before Keith is pulling it behind him and setting it back on the staircase again. “But you can’t read it until  _ after _ you nail the big move”

 

But Lance can’t do it. 

 

It wasn’t that complicated of a trick. Lance was supposed to spin Keith a couple of times, then Keith would throw an arm around his shoulders while Lance held onto his waist. Then the widow would make an almost-split as they spun around, after which Lance would slow his spins as Keith sat like a blushing bride in his arms. It wasn’t difficult but his arms weren’t working. And his legs were going too fast and Keith kept slipping down and falling onto his ass on the floor. And Lance couldn’t do anything but think about the letter and what it said and Nikki Nikki Nikki-

 

“I’m sorry,” he panted after the fifth time he dropped Keith. “I can’t do anything else without reading it. It’s driving me nuts. It’s just- it’s in the back of my head, okay? I can’t concentrate”

 

Keith sighed and finally gave up, turning to grab the letter. Lance watched as if in a trance as the widow approached him with the letter, so desperate for it that he didn’t notice how badly Keith’s hands were shaking as he handed it over, didn’t notice the pained look in his eyes or the way his fingers lingered on his for a moment too long before he pulled his hand back. 

 

“Try to stay positive,” Keith mumbled as he ripped the envelope open, unfolding the letter and starting to read before stopping himself.

 

“I’m gonna read it out loud, okay?” the widow frowned at him. “In case she says anything that’s, you know... “

 

“Okay”

 

Lance closed his eyes for a second and breathed. This was Nikki’s letter, Nikki’s words to him. 

 

“Dear Lance, It was very emotional for me to get your letter, as I'm sure you can imagine, but I'm glad you took the risk of discreetly getting it to me through Keith. This gives us a chance to communicate while I keep the restraining order until I feel… safe… I must admit you sound terrific and I'm happy that you are feeling so positive and becoming a more loving and caring man, which I always knew you were. I was moved to read about ‘Excelsior’ and your belief in happy endings. I am also moved by your act of love to read the books I have taught at the high school. I'm sorry you find them so negative, but I disagree. I think they are great works of art that reflect how hard life can be and they can also help kids prepare themselves for the hardness of life. In spite of all these positive developments, Lance, I have to say if it's me reading the signs, I need to see something to prove you are ready to resume our marriage. Otherwise I find myself thinking that we might both be better off… better off moving on with our lives separately. Please don't react quickly to this, but take time to think about it. I'm glad you're doing so well. Love… Nikki”

 

“You okay?” Keith asked hesitantly when he didn't speak for a while, reaching for him before letting his hand fall midway and crossing his arms. 

 

“I’m…” Lance wasn’t going to cry. “I think I’m done for today, okay?”

 

“That’s alright,” Keith murmured. 

 

But before Lance could open the door and run away, Keith was talking again. It was as if as soon as he turned his back to the widow he’d gotten the courage to say what he wanted to say. As if it was too hard saying it to his face. And Lance couldn’t blame him, couldn’t imagine how sorrowful he’d looked as he read the letter. 

 

How bad was it that even  _ Keith _ wouldn’t look at him?

 

“She said to show her something,” and was Keith’s voice a little choked up? Lance would say he sounded shameful if he didn’t know how ridiculous that would be. Why would Keith be shameful? He wasn’t the one telling Lance he didn’t feel safe around him, that they were better off living their lives separately… “This  _ dance _ can be that something. It shows a lot of skills on so many different levels. Focus, collaboration, discipline. It’s… it’s romantic,” Keith sounded so breathless, voice almost pleading. But then it changed. 

 

“It’s for her,” Keith insisted but his voice cracked. Sad. Keith hadn’t looked sad in weeks, not since that first day on the studio. 

 

And it was Lance’s fault.

 

Again. 

 

“Thanks for the letter,” he called back, not turning as he opened the door. Lance knew how the widow felt now, couldn’t bear to look at Keith’s sad face either. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

 

And then he was gone.

 

* * *

 

The next day he sees Keith later than usual, and it’s to the sound of his own house’s front door slamming shut followed by his angry voice and the realization that his day literally couldn’t get any worse after what the widow was going to rightfully yell at him for.

 

“We need to talk right now,” and Lance can’t even be surprised as he passes right by Veronica without even sparing her a glance because the next second he’s so close and Lance is so fucked because- “When you make a serious commitment to somebody it is  _ not cool _ to not show up!”   
  


And Lance really feels like an asshole for ditching Keith but he has a perfect explanation for it.

 

Well…  ‘perfect’ may not be the most appropriate word.

 

“I can explain,” Lance hurries, hiding his face in his hands for a second as he remembers all that happened.

 

And what happened was that Lance had fucked up dinner again. 

 

Well  _ technically _ it was lunch he’d fucked up. 

 

And it was all Keith’s fault.

 

Again.

 

But the difference this time was that it had been completely worth it and Lance didn’t regret a single thing he’d done… 

 

Except he didn’t call Keith. 

 

The day started out fairly good. Lance woke up and took his pills, took his morning run, showered and read until he had to get dressed for their reservation at Veronica’s favorite restaurant. Adam came to the house and they were all together for the first time since he’d gotten back from Baltimore. They’d talked and laughed as they drove to the restaurant, reminiscing on old memories of long summer days and making their mama angry by sneaking out and making trouble.

 

Then they met  _ James _ . 

 

The whole  _ reason _ why they were getting together, to meet Veronica’s boyfriend of almost three months. 

 

And Veronica’s boyfriend of almost three months was an  _ asshole _ . 

 

_ James _ leered at him with so much disgust Lance would’ve believed he’d turned into a steaming pile of trash if there weren’t more people on the table who would’ve commented on it.  _ James _ had the most presumptuous and prepotent stance Lance had ever seen on someone, looking down on him like he was a sniveling king in the 1600s. But  _ Lance _ was a good brother. And even if he was going to rant to Veronica about what a redundant imbecile her boyfriend was, he was going to do it when they were home. Because  _ Lance _ wasn’t an idiot.  _ Lance _ was taking his meds and he was getting better and he wasn’t going to make a scene in his sister’s favorite restaurant when she was so excited for them to all know each other just because his sister’s boyfriend was rubbing him up the wrong way. 

 

And then Veronica went to the bathroom.

 

What happened was that James pulled out his phone to ignore them, so Adam asked him about the dance training. And when Lance told him Keith was a great teacher and it was turning out just great, James had shot his head up so quickly he thought the guy was having a seizure. And he knew what he was talking about because Lance had seen people seizing before, and their necks looked a lot like what James’ neck had looked.

 

_ You know Keith? _ James had asked with an incredulous look.

 

Lance said yes. 

 

James told them he used to work with Keith.

 

Lance said  _ Oh… _

 

Adam coughed to try and diffuse the situation.

 

Lance tried to laugh and asked if Keith had always been ‘like that’ when they’d worked together (by ‘like that’ he’d meant so angry and intense). 

 

_ What _ , James had asked with a disgusting grin.  _ A slut? _

 

So, yeah. Lance punched him in the face. 

 

A waiter tried to separate them and got an elbow to the stomach. The police came. Veronica, deadly calm, explained Lance’s situation in a manner that made the officer let them go easily. They got banned from the restaurant. Veronica drove them all home without saying a word. Adam was so tense Lance was beginning to worry. When they got home, Veronica started yelling at him. Adam stayed quiet and James smirked from behind her while he got scolded, feeling like the worst brother in the world even if James had deserved it. James left to go to the bathroom.

 

And then Keith had arrived and continued to yell at him.

 

“I tried to call,” Lance tries to assure him but Keith is  _ fuming _ , stretched taut as he stands the tallest he can before him. “I  _ really _ tried to call Keith. I told you I was gonna split my time with Veronica and you but-”

 

“Is that Keith?” Veronica called from behind the widow. And  _ uh-oh _ , she looked angrier than before. 

 

“Well, that sounds fucking great Lance,” Keith said sarcastically, pointing at him like he’d committed the worst crime there was. “But  _ she _ didn’t make a commitment to  _ me _ in return for my help,” and then he turned to look at his siblings. “I’m Keith”

 

“Oh,” Veronica looked surprised for a second before she went back to being angry.  _ Very _ angry. “So  _ you’re _ why Lance punched my boyfriend?” 

 

“What the hell?” Keith startled, turning back to look at him incredulously for a second before turning back to Veronica. “Care to explain why that’s  _ my _ fault?” 

 

“Oh, I  _ will _ ,” Veronica stormed and oh,  _ shit _ . How was Keith not cowering? “My boyfriend was minding his own business when he heard your name. And because he worked with you, he made a stupid joke about your reputation-”

 

Keith laughed a little. 

 

“Yes, your reputation,” Veronica continued. “Made a stupid joke about it Lance decided it was a good idea to punch him. For which he could’ve been put in jail or back in Baltimore”   
  


“So you think this is my fault,” Keith continued. 

 

“Yes”

 

“You think it’s my fault that your boyfriend’s making jokes about someone who just lost his husband thinking he’s  _ not _ going to get punched for it?”

 

“I-” but Keith wasn’t finished. 

 

“You think it’s  _ my _ fault that Lance is a decent guy who thought that was inappropriate and  _ stupidly- _ ” he threw a pointed glare in his direction again. “But  _ chivalrously _ decided to do something about it? Because some guy was talking shit he knows  _ nothing _ of about his  _ friend _ ?” 

 

“He could’ve been thrown in jail,” Veronica repeated. “Because of-”   
  


And then James walked back into the room.

 

Keith started laughing. 

 

“What the hell is  _ he _ doing here?” James called from the doorway.

 

“Veronica, is it?” and God, Keith’s smirk was  _ dangerous _ . Veronica nodded. “This is your boyfriend?” She frowned but nodded again. 

 

Lance had a bad feeling about this.

 

“Keith, think about what you’re going to say,” James threatened but Keith stood his ground. 

 

“James thinks he’s tough shit for talking trash about me. But I know something you don’t”

 

“And what would that be?” Veronica was starting to look doubtful herself, shooting James a questioning look.

 

“Lance,” Keith turned to him suddenly. “Tell your sister how I lost my job”

 

“Why?” Lance had a  _ very _ bad feeling about this.

 

“Tell me,” Veronica assured.

 

“Uh…” Lance frowned, remembering their conversation at the diner. “You slept with everyone after Tommy died. And then one of the guys found out he wasn’t the only one and started getting into fights and ratted you out to the boss and-”   
  


Lance stopped when it hit him. Veronica was quiet. 

 

“How long did you say you’ve been together?” Adam muttered to no one in particular.

 

“Almost three months,” Veronica answered quietly.

 

“He’s lying,” James hurried to say. 

 

“Have you fucked yet?” Keith went on like he hadn’t heard him.

 

“No,” Veronica answered, not listening to James either. “We haven’t”

 

“Well don’t bother trying to fix this then,” Keith continued, taking an opened beer from the table and taking a long sip of it. “I had to do all the work and he lasted about five seconds, so he’s not worth the trouble”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Adam laughed nervously. 

 

James got kicked out. Adam followed Keith’s example and picked up a beer. 

 

Veronica turned to Lance. 

 

“I like him,” she said, and then excused herself and went upstairs. 

 

They all flinched to the sound of the door slamming shut.

 

Well,  _ shit _ .


	5. Backwards Wedding

That day, for the first time since they’d met, _Lance_ was angry at Keith.

 

“Why would you say it like that?” he fumed. “She had a bad day as it was already!”  


“Because you decided to punch her boyfriend in the face!” Keith protested.

 

“He called you a slut!”

 

“I _am_ a slut!”

 

Lance couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“You know what?” he shook his head at Keith. “I’m not doing it”

 

“Not doing what?”

 

“I’m not doing the dance,” Lance put his coat on and turned to walk out, but Keith wasn’t letting him go that easily until- “deal’s off,” he echoed the widow’s words, flinching when he got harshly pulled back.

 

“You’re not a stand-up guy right now! If it’s _me_ reading the signs-”   


“If it’s _you_ reading the signs?” and something about that itched at Lance’s brain.

 

“If it’s _me_ reading the signs-”

 

But Lance wouldn’t let Keith insult him. He was sick of it. Of Veronica’s anger, of Adam’s silence, of James being a dick and of Keith’s _… everything_.

 

“ _You’re_ reading the signs? Oh, okay,” Lance mocked and then slammed the door on his way out. Lance had to get away, had to think about it.

 

Panting at the door, he flinched when he heard Keith’s muffled yelling through it.

 

“If it’s _him_ reading the signs…” Lance huffed, turning to walk off the porch when it hit him.

 

_If it’s me reading the signs…_

 

No. It _couldn’t_ be.

 

_Could_ it?

 

Lance fumbled as he pulled the letter out of his jean pocket where he’d kept it, had been reading it over so many times he could almost recite it by heart. But it was only then as he read it aloud that he realized…

 

“…but _if it’s me reading the signs_ , I need to see something to prove you are ready to resume our marriage…”

 

Lance laughed in disbelief.

 

Fucking _Keith_.

 

But when he went back into the house to call him out, he couldn’t. Not when Keith looked so nervous all of a sudden. Certainly not when the widow tells him-

 

“Nikki’s going to be at the dance”

 

* * *

 

 

The next time they meet, he apologizes for being late and Keith doesn’t tell Lance it was him who wrote the letter.

 

They practice, but he can tell Keith’s mind is elsewhere.

 

So Lance’s mind goes elsewhere too, automatically thinking about Nikki because…  It’s been five days since the incident at Veronica’s house and he hasn’t thought about his wife _once_.

 

In five _days_.

 

It’s all been Keith. Why Keith proposed a deal he wouldn’t see through. Why he asked Lance to be his dance partner… Lance understood now, why Keith had looked so sad after he’d given him the letter. It was guilt that was consuming him as Lance twirled him around the room. But it was frustration too. Because the dance thing was _Keith’s_ thing. And Lance had been trying so hard to distract himself with Nikki that Keith had bought it, become so desperate for him to stay that he’d lied straight to his face with what he thought was the truth.

 

_It’s for her,_ Keith had cried. But it _wasn’t_ . It was never about Nikki. It wasn’t even about _him_.

 

When they danced, Lance knew.

 

It was for _them_.

 

Pretending that he didn’t see Keith’s tears as he pulled his coat on, Lance left after they nailed the big move.

 

Pretending that he didn’t want to scream and demand for Keith to tell him the truth as he closed the door behind him.

 

Pretending that he didn’t want to lie forever on the oak floors listening to Keith’s music and their unsynchronized breathing, he ran back home.

 

The competition was in a week but when Lance finally got home, he wrote a final letter.

 

_Why’d you run by my house?_

 

It was in a week but he put it in back-pocket of the pants he’d wear that day.

 

_What does that make you?_

 

It was in a week but…  

 

_Do you feel that?_

 

Lance had already decided.

 

* * *

 

  


The last time he’s supposed to see Keith, the widow is yelling in his face in unadulterated frustration, fingers fumbling at his neck where he’s trying to make a bow and a tie and giving up when he can’t.

 

Keith was wearing a long black coat instead of his usual leather jacket, refusing to take it off in the heated house and show off the outfit Lance hadn’t seen yet. The heavy material was making him sweat a little, making his face go a furious shade of red and beads of sweat collect near his forehead.

 

Eyebrows furrowed up and mouth twisted into a snarl, Lance had never seen anyone so beautiful.

 

“Come on,” he tries to calm Keith when he notices how nervous he is, thumb rubbing rapidly up and down his fingers in that curious habit of his. “Nikki’s gonna be there and everything’s gonna come together. It’s what’s meant to be. You okay?”

 

“Fine,” but Keith’s body was still pulled taught, movements stiff as he nodded. Lance wouldn’t have been able to believe him even if he had closed his eyes, tension reflected in his shaky voice and quick breaths.

 

Lance held onto his shoulders and shook him a little. “Don’t get wobbly on me,” he teased, pleased at the small smile it brought out of Keith.

 

“I’m not,” the widow mumbled.

 

“We have a dance to do. Gotta stay focused, yeah?”

 

“I’m focused”

 

“Okay,” Lance let him go, figuring it would be better to give him a little space. “Let’s go”

 

And they went.

 

The Benjamin Franklin Hotel was big and fancy, filled to the brim with formally dressed people and dancers wearing sparkly outfits. Veronica had driven them over, and they stood in the lobby waiting for Adam and Shiro to arrive. Lance was a little nervous at having his appointed officer watch him slow dance with his little brother but he didn’t comment on it because he didn't want to pass those not-so-irrational nerves onto Keith.

 

As the widow was dragging him up the stairs he felt something squeeze his hand, looking between them palm to palm, fingers clutched tight together.

 

“What’s this?” Lance questioned, pulling at Keith’s cold hand slightly and making him stop on the step above him.

 

“We’re gonna be doing a whole lot more than holding hands in under an hour,” Keith deadpanned, taking in a deep breath. “And I thought _you_ were doing it”

 

“It’s fine by me”

 

But before Lance could keep on walking Keith was placing a hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

 

“You okay?” he tried, but Keith just shook his head.

 

“I want you to remember everything,” Keith started slowly. “All of the good stuff that we have,” he gestured between them, “right here”

 

“Of course I do,” Lance assured him. How could Keith be worried about that now?

 

“Just check in,” Keith rubbed at his eyes as they neared the registration table. “I gotta go find Takashi”

 

After checking in Lance wandered downstairs and to the ballroom. The whole room was dark except for the dance floor in the middle, shining white as a couple twirled around on it. Was this Dancing With The Stars? They were very… professional. Even if Keith and he weren’t bad dancers, the pair competing was on a whole other level, footsteps so precise and fast they must’ve been practicing for hours _every_ day to get them just right. But Lance didn’t have the time to get nervous about the competition because, as he watched through to the other side of the room, he saw her.

 

Nikki.

 

Lance’s wife was sitting in a table next to Veronica and Adam right across from him, gaze so focused on the dancers she hadn’t noticed him standing right across from her. She was wearing one of the dresses Lance hated, a dark green one that plunged too low on her chest, and her eyes were wide and pleased as she watched, entranced.

 

Lance looked at her.

 

And looked and looked and looked and frowned.

 

Sure, he was excited to see her, but the feeling was… bizarre. So many months obsessing over her, and now that she was right in front of him he felt…

 

Nothing.

 

No heartache.

 

No jealousy at her dress choice.

 

Not even nostalgia.

 

Or rage, even considering the last time he’d seen her.

 

And then Officer Shiro was shaking him.

 

“Where’s Keith?”

 

“He told me he went looking for you,” and Lance worried at Shiro’s wince. “What’s wrong?”

 

“You have to go find him”

 

Lance found him sitting at the bar as he emptied a glass of what looked like Vodka.

 

_Only_ Vodka.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Lance reprimanded as he pushed past people in his hurry, frowning at the empty look Keith gave him when he was finally standing in front of him.

 

“He’s with me,” the guy next to Keith called out.

 

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” Lance glared at the man, happy when he up and walked away, cursing under his breath.

 

As they stared each other down the host’s voice started booming over the speakers, announcing it was their turn next.

 

“You know,” Keith started, not moving a muscle to stand up. “I used to think that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. But now I think that you might maybe be the worst thing and I’m sorry that I ever met you”

 

“Good for you,” Lance muttered as he gave up and pulled him out of his seat. “We have a dance to win. Sober up”

 

Keith let himself be dragged, taking off his coat as they reached the edge of the stage as Lance turned to wave at Adam before beginning to walk onto the stage himself when-

 

Christ.

 

The widow walked onto the stage wearing a long-sleeved crop top, cut off his shoulders and low on his chest, as shimmery and translucent as his tight pants and completely barefoot.

 

“What are you doing?” he called over his shoulder when he noticed Lance wasn’t following.

 

They’d known each other for two months and it was the first time Lance had seen Keith without his cross.

 

“Lance?”

 

They’d known each other for two months and it was the first time Lance had seen Keith wearing anything other than black. Wearing…

 

“ _Lance_ ”

 

Wearing _white_.

 

Gaping back into Keith’s glare, Lance walked onto the stage in a daze as the music started around them.

 

And they began.

 

The widow was serious at the start, hold a little tight on his hands as Lance guided him around the room, even looking away when he crawled over his body, ruining the intimacy they were supposed to be conveying. But it faded as soon as the second song filtered in, jumping and flailing and doing faces as they faced each other. Keith’s smile grew and his eyes softened as they ran across the board, turned challenging as he popped his hips backwards and crinkled at the edges as he laughed through their next erratic steps.

 

Lance prided himself on the clapping that surrounded them when he spun with Keith hanging backwards off his shoulders, but he was even happier when the next song started and he danced close to Keith again, waltzing around with their eyes locked together, neither of them able to look away from each other even when they parted to do the old school move that got the audience clapping again.

 

But as he dipped the widow into the next move, time slowed down. Lance could feel everything around him but it was all muted as his focus zeroed in on Keith. Wonderful, angry, intense Keith, arched over his hand like a dream come true and springing back up flawlessly to look down at his mouth and Lance wanted to kiss him so bad. Keith… no longer dressed in black but in white. Lance wondered if this is what he’d looked like on his wedding day, smiling and blushing as he walked down the aisle. Beautiful and true as the fire inside of him. Untamed and peaceful within its own madness.

 

Lance wanted to see him in white again.

 

And then the dance was ending. Lance’s body moved on its own, picking Keith up effortlessly and loving his smile as they spun around like that, the widow’s legs pulling back up as they slowed, body nestled against his chest as the music started fading, perfect in his arms. It was hard letting him go but Lance had to, setting him lightly on his feet to spin him once more as they finished, bodies close and hearts even closer.

 

Lance didn’t hear as the judges called out the scores, remembering his plan. Separating from Keith felt like ripping himself in hand, but he’d _planned this damn it_.

 

Nikki was already standing up as he approached her.

 

“Thank you for coming,” he gasped out, still panting from the dance.

 

“Of course,” Nikki smiled. “You looked really happy out there”

 

“Yeah,” he laughed, shrugging. “Who’d have thought, dancing?”

 

“You look amazing,” she compliments, staring him up and down. “Lost a lot of weight?”

 

But as Lance turns slightly to shake his head he sees Keith looking at them, expression unreadable as he stands still beside Shiro.

 

“Nikki?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’ve got to tell you something”  


“Sure”  


He leans in close to her ear and says it out loud for the first time since he thought it.

 

“I don’t love you anymore,” she looks a little surprised when he pulls away and continues. “I want you to know that I’m happy. For me and for you too. And I wanted to thank you. For everything”

 

Nikki nods, looking in the direction Keith had been standing.

 

“I think you better run,” she tells him seriously.

 

“What?”

 

“He left”  


Lance doesn’t even say goodbye before he’s running out of the building.

 

“Hey!” he yells as he catches sight of Keith stumbling down the street. But when the widow turns his head and notices it’s him he takes off running, ducking into the first bend he can to try and get rid of Lance. But that just won’t do. It just won’t do because Lance needs to tell him what he’s been dying to say for weeks.

 

So he chases him down the street and laughs. It’s a perfect reflection of their first run together, an inverted mirror, and Lance wonders if Keith had also been thinking about how pretty he looked that first time. Who knows? Maybe he had. Maybe Keith hadn’t just wanted a cheap fuck but had somehow known all along that this is how it would end.

 

When he catches up to him, Keith screams as he grabs his arm, turning to scream at him to leave him alone, eyes and pink cheeks shiny with tears as he struggles against Lance’s hold on him. And can’t he see Lance can’t? Not because Keith is crying and not because he needs to end things right, as he probably thought Lance wanted to do. No.

 

Couldn’t he see Lance was desperate for Keith to stay too?

 

“I have one more letter for you to read, okay?”

 

But that only fuels the fire that consumes the widow right now, has him pushing at his chest, eyes searching around so quickly Lance gets dizzy with the movement.

 

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” Keith chokes out. “Just give it to her yourself!”

 

“Look,” Lance takes the letter out and shoves it against Keith’s chest, holding it there as the widow blinks distrustfully up at him. “You don’t ever have to see me again if you just _read_ it, okay?”

 

“This is so fucked up,” Keith huffs out a laugh through his tears, almost ripping the letter in half as he unfolds it. “Why did it have to be you? You’re so fucked up”

 

“I know,” Lance assures him, gesturing so Keith will read the letter.

 

So Keith gives him a sad smile and frown and looks down, tone angry as he starts but stops suddenly, glancing up again to stare unbelievingly at Lance.

 

“Just read it,” Lance hurries him, starting to feel a little nervous himself.

 

“Dear Keith…” Keith swallows and wipes with one hand at his face. “I know you wrote the letter…” he paused then, and for a second Lance thought he was going to throw the letter on his face and run away but he powered through it, even as his words started breaking off. “T-the only way you could meet m-my crazy-”

 

“Was by doing something crazy yourself,” Lance finishes, feeling his own tears start up as he meets Keith’s eyes. “Thank you. I love you,” wanting to swallow the little hitch in Keith’s breath as he listens to his confession. “I knew it the minute I met you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck. Lance”

 

“I-” he tried but Lance wasn’t finished, and he had the feeling that if he let Keith speak the widow would just say something like ‘you’re crazy’ or call him a liar or run away _again_.

 

“I wrote that a week ago,” Lance whispered, finally giving up and reaching up to wipe at the tears still falling from Keith’s eyes.

 

“A week ago?” Keith gasped out. “You let me lie to you for a fucking _week_?”

 

“I was trying to be romantic,” and then Keith laughed, so brokenly and beautifully Lance couldn’t help but get closer to him, right into his space like the widow liked doing so much.

 

“You love me?” Keith asked hesitantly, as if he thought it was all a big joke.

 

“Yeah, I do”

 

“You’re crazy,” and Lance was beginning to think he was. He really was because how could he have missed it for so long? Keith had been _right there_ and he’d been so focused on Nikki that he’d missed-

 

And then Keith leaned forward and kissed him.

 

There were fairy lights all around them, all twinkling in and out of existence as they kissed and kissed and kissed. Lance could feel the way the paper was crinkling against his back as the widow clutched at him, nails digging into his shoulder, holding on for dear life. But Lance couldn’t blame him, his own hands digging so harshly and desperately around Keith’s waist he was sure to leave bruises there.

 

But it was okay.

 

They were both married to strangers. Lance said his vows in a black suit and Keith was smiling and crying and dressed in white. And they kissed before the lights, rings shining gold and silver to the delayed sounds of applause.

 

Lance laughed against Keith’s lips.

 

“What?” Keith whispered, breathless against him.

 

“We did it all backwards,” he laughs.

 

Keith just rolls his eyes and falls back into Lance to kiss him again.

 

They were okay.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand that's it! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment below telling me what you thought or kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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